I hugged him with all my strength and he began to kiss me on my neck. I stepped back to look at him. He looked me straight in the eyes and said “you are so beautiful and sexy. Your weight loss suits you well.” How callous, I did not lose weight for pleasure, but because of you.
Then he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I didn’t understand what he was doing but I returned his kiss. Those lips I so desired, which I knew by heart! I gave myself to him entirely like never before and everything melted in me. We made love, gently, nice and slow. His hands traveled freely all over my body, burning and tormenting me with pleasure. I held him tight and told him how much I missed him and how much I wanted him.
After what seemed like the longest embrace ever, he stood up and walked towards the bathroom. Just at the door he turned around, looked at me calmly and said, “I am going to have a shower do you want to come in with me?” (We always took our bath together over the weekends). I accepted and stepped out of bed, took his outstretched hand as we got into the shower. My heart was singing a serenade. I knew this moment wouldn’t last forever, so I wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. My smile was so bright, my first in weeks.
He bent and kissed me on my neck and shoulders as he used to do. I turned around and asked him what he was doing? And he simply shrugged and said: “sorry, old habits die hard” and my heart tightened. I left him alone in the bathroom, picked up my bathrobe and wrapped it around my body as I went to sit in the living.
After drying up and getting dressed, he joined me in the living room and we discussed some more. I hated myself for giving in to him so easily, so I braced myself and with a straight face and all the courage I could muster at the moment, I told him “you should leave now.” And as he got up to leave, I continued in the same determined tone: “you won’t read or hear from me in a while, I need to forget you.”
In his devilishly calm tone, he looked at me and said, “You can talk to me whenever you want, you know I’ll never forget you. Ever”
My eyes went steamy but I caught the tears just before they could betray my dying soul. Why did he keep tormenting me with such words? I have a heart. Stop telling me things like that.
He kept pacing to and fro in the kitchen doing nothing. The only thing I wanted was to see him walk out the door. So I stifled a tremble in my voice and asked: “Is it an impression or you don’t feel like leaving?”
He lifted his head to look at me before saying “No, I don’t want to leave. Is it bad?” “Well, you alone know what’s up with you Atembe. You seem quite unsure of yourself.”
As if to address a brief moment of weakness, he quickly replied, “Yes, it’s really over!”
Finally, he dumped the last of his belongings in the truck he had hired to transport his stuff. After going back and forth packing his stuff, he scooped my face in his hands and crushed my mouth with a passionate and warm kiss. It was so tender, yet so heart breaking because it was the last kiss I was ever going to accept from him. My heart was drumming and my temperature was kicking. I felt the blood rush to my face as he kissed me one last time.
He let go after a while, picked up his jacket on the couch and walked away without a word. The last whole piece of my heart came crashing on the floor as he closed the door firmly behind him. I rushed to the door and locked it before crumbling down on the floor. The tears came like torrents. The silent sobs, the breaking heart, the feeling of betrayal…When will I feel normal again? Will this pain ever go away? The pain cut through my heart like a knife and the tears rolled down my cheeks with heart-wrenching yelps… ‘I hope I can cry this pain away!’
Seven days went by after the day he left. To deal with the pain and encourage myself, I wrote a poem:
When true love goes away what is left,
Just Pain, Tears, Despair, and Emptiness.
There is nothing left to give – at least not just yet.No more joy, No more Love, No more Trust,
No more colors, No more giggles, No more blushes,
No more throaty laughter, No more smiles, No more songs,
No more love messages, No more warmth
Just a Void
Seasons will come, seasons will go.
It will be solitary but only for a while.
It will hurt but only for a while.
The tears will eventually stop and the pain will eventually pass.
Every thing may go, but one thing remains
A new beginning. A fresh Start.
The hope of a new morn as the sun rises in the horizon.