Three months later, I came back from classes, and just before settling to some assignments I decided to check my emails to see if my sweetheart had sent me a love message, as he was on the road. As expected, I noticed his subject before any other thing in my Hotmail inbox. It read; ‘Absence of joy.’ My heart skipped a little but I thought nothing of it until I opened the email.
My Dearest Erica,
I have loved you, my darling, but lately things have been especially hard on me because our relationship no longer gives me any pleasure. I’m no longer happy coming home to you.
For the past few months, I have tried to bring back the excitement that used to be without success and I can’t do this anymore. I am no longer happy in this relationship and I think it is best we go our separate ways.
You brought me much joy these past years, but my feelings have changed a whole lot and you no longer make me happy. I’ll be moving on without you. When I come back this weekend, we will settle anything that needs settling.
Bye for now
I felt my throat close as I swallowed hard and my eyes welled up with tears. I was beyond shock. All sorts of questions were popping up in my mind. I did not see this coming. When he left for work, all was well with us. I couldn’t help but wonder what had gone awry in the few days during which we were separated.
I called him in tears, “I just saw your email…”
“Erica, we will talk when I come home this weekend…”
“What happened? Did I do anything wrong? I will make it right. I will make it up to you. Please don’t leave. I still love you so much. I can’t live without you Atembe. Please don’t do this to me…” I pleaded frantically as the tears came rolling down my cheeks.
“We will talk when I get home,” Was all he said before hanging up.
After a few minutes, I started typing a message. I could only think of trying to get him to stay with me. My hands were flying on my keyboard…
baby, please don’t leave like this. you are breaking my heart. I am suffocating right now just thinking about how my life would be without you. i can’t do this without you. i wouldn’t be able to live if it had to be without you. please, please, please. think about all the good things we share. i still love you dearly.
I was so distraught I didn’t know what to say. It was only a few days later that I realized I had made some errors in my text, but that was not important, I couldn’t think of that at the moment.
A few minutes later I sent another text;
my love, please tell me you won’t leave me this way. i’l be destroyed if you walk away from my life. i love u, i love u, i really really love u and truly can’t leave without you. we can talk about whatever is bothering you. baby please talk to me…
He had to hear my plea regardless. I sent three more messages of desperation in a bid to convince him to change his mind before he replied.
It’s ok baby, never mind my message or what I said over the phone. I’m really sorry to have put you through such trauma. I was just being stupid and playing childish games. It was just a crazy reaction to some frustrations I’m feeling right now. But as u said we can talk it over. Of course I will not leave. How could I break up with you when you are the woman of my life? Perhaps I just wanted to see if you still love me, now I know you do and deeply too. Let’s forget this incident and move on with our relationship. I love you my angel.
I felt reassured to receive his reply. However, before he came home that weekend, one of his single friends told me that Atembe had told him he was single and could sleep around whenever he chose to. I couldn’t understand why and I felt hurt like never before. Our love making was always great and was one of the strengths of our relationship. I could really see the cookies crumbling, When he came home over the weekend, I noticed, for the first time that his smiles and apparent joy to see me were not sincere. He was not happy, at least not with me.
Before long, the weekend went by slowly and it was Tuesday again. I decided to write him a letter and go away. I packed my bags and I waited for him to come back.
He came back home as usual during the weekend and noticed my bags.
“Hey baby, why are your bags packed?”
“I need you to sit and listen to something Atembe.”
He took a sit beside me on the couch and looked at me with questioning eyes. I started to read my letter;
Atembe my love,
The first time I met you I loved you, and even as I write this farewell letter, I still love you. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over loving you. But I have noticed that you are truly no longer happy in this relationship.
When I accepted to come into your life, it was to make you happy, to love and cherish you in every possible way. Now that I no longer make you happy, I believe it’s time to walk out and try to move on.
I have cried every night since that faithful day you sent the breakup email. It’s true you said it was a joke, but your actions say otherwise. I would rather walk away now that I still have the strength, than later.
This is a farewell letter my dear not a plea for you to stay. Thank you for the memories we share, I will cherish them forever.
Goodbye my love
After reading the letter, I folded it and gave it to him with my engagement ring (we were engaged since Valentine’s Day) and bade him farewell. As I started to leave, he got down on his knees in the living room; “Darling, please don’t leave me. I still love you, you know. I was just being stupid and playing silly games. You are the woman of my life. I can’t loose you. Please baby, please stay. Please don’t go away, I can’t do without you. I’m so sorry about all the stupid things I’ve done lately. I’m all yours. Please don’t go…” he begged.
My heart went out to him and I forgave him, having in mind that we were going to work things out and that he was sincere when he said he was sorry. He put my engagement ring back on and said, “You are the only woman who really matters in my life.” I believed him and we made up. But before hugging him in reconciliation I said, “Atembe, my heart would not be able to stand it anymore. I would not bear it if in two months or thereabout you repeat the same scenario.”
“Baby, we are together forever. It will never repeat itself again,” he assured me before we hugged. He held me so tight in his arms as if he was afraid I would disappear. I was crying as we hugged, then he started to kiss me. At first on my forehead, then on my cheeks, then on my lips and then all over – we made love with such aggressive passion as if to exorcise ourselves of some demons.